There was something very specific about feeling my only daughter have the hiccups while she was inside my body that made me study her. I had to, she was making ME uncomfortable.

There is an intimacy I have only found in motherhood. I felt it deeply start when my girl had relentless hiccups. Who knew? It wasn’t the kicks or feet outlined on my belly; her diaphragmatic spasms made me detail her motions.

I had to study what made her uncomfortable, as I was her comfort or discomfort. Mentally, I had one job. One, only; I had to comfort my joy.

The selfishness of youth is one that can be held onto for life, causing crisis or crash when we are half-way over it. Hell, you may crash, anyway. Selfishness need not be why.

Hiccups can set you free if you study who you impact. Deciding your need to care on “hiccup level” is a choice. I only know when MY true choices have been made.

My choices started with the hiccups of my baby girl. They only truly get made when she hiccups louder than I do and I’m reminded when my ME had the choice and I loved the “Mommy” in me so much more deeply than my “me.”