To those not in my life by your choice, I hope you find peace in your life. I am.

To those I cannot have in my life for however long significant experts say is healthy for an ongoing trauma event … choosing, felt like no choice. This fight needs all of me.

Since “last time,” we spoke…

Experts in their fields of:
Mental Health
Autism
—masking
—a score of 166/227 on the autism scale
—Destroying cheeks r/t social anxiety.
ADHD
PTSD
C-PTSD
Panic Disorder
Depression
Tachycardia and Chronic Anxiety’s risks
Mental Breakdown r/t Trauma
Hip/Spine/Neck/Foot Pain r/t ambulating “odd.”
Algebra and why it sets autistic students back
Repeating early grades r/t hand development
Misunderstood phraseology
Mastering Mimickery r/t “Genius” IQ missed
Pressured speech upon new meetings
Rape
Other Rapes & why they made the 1st one worse
Psychology in Child Molesters and why they’d Ever message you again so long later
Forgiveness and Meditation
God, Jesus, and Faith
——this is just a portion of what I know know and that is barely my medical record. The rest are just my support network’s expertises.

I’m a deeply complex human, and the most open book most anyone I know has ever met. Kindest, too.

I’m feeding my better wolf and always wanted to. Just couldn’t get there until I got alone.

It’s difficult to interpret all faces and tones so I rarely believe anyone likes me. I can only base it on being an expert in patterns and extreme views in terms of black and white needs of clarity. Silence? That’s nothing I can work with.

Silence just becomes my broken interpretation of me.

“You shouldn’t have been able to go to the grocery store.” I certainly have achieved more than that ability l, I’d say. My expert told me! Therapist, too.

My overshares haven’t ever shamed me. They’ve embarrassed me for half a second, but then ADHD kicks in and it’s out of sight and out of mind. It’s fantastic! Then it’s 0330 and you write this … man do you wrote a ton.

This is my autism awareness and the only allowed view inside.