I’m accepting prayers, well-wishes, and advice. A partial mastectomy with the removal of two lymph nodes was only round 1 in terms of battling breast cancer.

I don’t actually know how many rounds there are because cancer refuses to give you a specific game plan upon diagnosis. After surgery, it’s either radiation OR chemo first and then radiation. Radiation is guaranteed; chemo only if my lymph node biopsies and my genetic screening shows a high possibility this cancer will return.

Since my surgery on 11/15, I’ve been either napping, sleeping, snoozing, or occasionally full-fledged panicking that my radiology team and I are not prepared for what MY radiation looks like for me. Trusting others entirely is not my strong suit. Trusting medical experts even less so. A lot of experts have hacked me to pieces because they were confident and I was desperate for a return of function.

The default external radiation many get will fry my lung and heart because I was born with a chest wall malformation called pectus excavatum. Upon my radiologist looking at my PET/CT, his eyes did the same thing all my other specialist’s eyes did … they bugged out.

Picture a rib cage with about 3” sunk in on my right rib cage so my heart and lung tissue REALLY want to fill in the left side of my chest, placing them directly in the line of fire. I saw the demonstration on the monitor and it scared everyone in the room. I cannot be treated “traditionally.”

My radiologist and I both, thus far, fully believe that I’ll be more successful with Proton Radiation, Cigna thinks it’s experimental until we show the other kinds of radiation will cause heart and lung damage I won’t recover from.

As of this morning, my lymph node biopsies aren’t back. I left the radiologist three names of pulmonologists/surgery who said I likely need surgery to have a normal rib cage. I’m hoping the physician’s notes and my previous pulmonary function tests help Cigna immediately see that I need the kind of radiation that brought me to Penn Medicine in the first place.

I need prayers for:

Courage.
Social work at Penn to help me find a place to stay in center city, if needed.
Ease of getting to radiation five days per week.
As healthy an immune system as I can have.
Companionship through radiation.
Less lethargy and confusion.
More hope that this won’t kill healthy cells.
Panic to flee when I know I’ve done all I can do.

Thanks. Round 2 is coming so I need to be preparing while I heal. It has not yet begun so I don’t know what round 2 looks like, yet.

This is the most recent update I have to give. It’s not much of one, but this part is critical for me so I’m not hushing when I need more support still.

People not reaching out for support by waving their arms in the air asking for company while they navigate Hell for the first time, are not me. I’m glad they know what they’re doing. I don’t, minus bits of information being fed to me by providers.

P.s. (To the scant few who insist on blathering on) Judging me for being transparent in my feelings during an illness tons of people get, seems pretty cocky and if that’s you … stop following me if me vocalizing that I feel like a human dumpster irks you. Seriously, IF CANCER BOTHERS YOU, I get it. If me telling people CANCER IS BOTHERING ME offends you, get a grip and hug your privilege tighter.

Cancer is bothering me.