I am sure that I’m not the only one who feels such fondness of their childhood in their television set.

Yes, kiddies, imagine a hard wooden box you had to shine with the good wood polish and a globe you could hear turn off for a solid 30 seconds after you … MANUALLY … walked to the set to shut it off.

It was madness. Many of us with carpal tunnel have this condition because of those wooden boxes and constant clockwise twisting motion of the wrist. But, I digress. A lot.

There were times my dad got rid of our television for reasons I’m sure no one remembers correctly and after a month, my sister said that she “won” a radio at work. The “radio” had a 1.5×1.5” black and white screen. It had ACCESS to Access Hollywood and Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and other pure garbage!

On that television, my brother and I sat head to head every Sunday night watching … 🎶 The Simpsoooooons.
It was glorious knowing what everyone else was talking about on the public school bus we had to take to get to the private school bus we took well out of our school district.

The tv was kept in my room, if I’m recalling correctly. I had trouble sleeping, even as an elementary school kid, so I’m sure I hijacked it because of that.

Late at night, I started watching Mama’s Family and fell in LOVE with Betty White and Rue McClannahan who were on the early seasons.

They tapered them out of being mentioned when they went to the Golden Girls. (All hail Estelle Getty)

The show added a daughter-in-law, Naomi. Naomi; whose only fault was wearing dresses with her shoulders bare and smooching on her husband too much, being the target inside the house. Well, she was also a free loader, but come on now.

Then add Bubba. Bubba inspired me when he wore fewer clothes and didn’t act so stupidly. I was way too young to have formed that strong of an opinion about Bubba from Mama’s Family. 😂

That show made me a HOPELESS Golden Girls fan immediately. The type of crude humor that was cleaner and safer on that show got polished up and made shine like the glorious Golden shiny turd that makes my heart beat faster just thinking about the Golden Girls.

Side note, I had to decide between “respectable” and “shows the doctor my hives” vs my Golden Girls shirt today for my oncologist. I have regrets. I could have taken off my shirt. Anyway …

When my well-intentioned dad decided it was okay that we get a TV again, it was all we did during the weekday nights. Other than me going to church Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and eventually Saturday nights; we got some TV watching in.

Early on, it was Murder She Wrote. My brother and I were disgusting and shared dirty bath water to bathe faster so we didn’t miss it. Sunday nights were the only school nights we were allowed to stay up until 9 or 10 or whenever was too late. It was amazing. Sometimes we had ice cream.

Looking back, he always took a bath first so I guess *I* was disgusting.

All I knew were two things:

1. Don’t invite Jessica Fletcher to any event ever.
2. My dad had Angela Lansbury on a pedestal and denied having a crush on her. He lit up talking about how much he admired her and her whole schtick. “Oh Jessica,” I can still hear it. It was so freaking cute and funny to two kids.

My mom and I had this amazing time enjoying all the cool 90’s stuff like Beverly Hills 90210 and then Melrose Place. On Thursdays, she’d always sit on the coffee table to see the 1970’s behemoth television closer. She’d then say to “Get the clicker and put the kids on.” I’ll never forget it. I thought it was cute, even then.

The television is also what broke me as a kid. The PBS special “The Miracle of Life” was how I received sex ed. I went to a Mennonite school and a Mennonite church. The special taught me that I was going to look like some furry monster one day.

I will never forget the crowning. Man, I wish I was talking about The Crown, but that masterpiece wouldn’t be out for a few decades.

I got to see the technical, “here’s what happens when people WANT to have a baby and it all goes perfectly and in the end, you see the biggest lady hoo-ha you’ve ever seen and make a commitment to dry shave, if needed in order to prevent such atrocities in your own Fruit of the Looms.

She was a brunette. She was so free.

What were we talking about again?