I am a sentimental fool. Making memories feels like a full-time job, sometimes, for me. I treat it that way. I’m all about taking photos, videos, and stealing trinkets to remember special days. I want each moment to be remembered by a song special to me that day. Thank God Instagram can guide my song selection.

I am this way because, as a kid, my family’s traditions meant everything to us. Growing up unsettled is tough, but tradition set a sort of rhythm. Even if life was complicated, the traditions stayed similar. As an autistic human, predictability is a gift!

Christmas Eve is the same meal of Yorkshire pudding, prime rib, and tons of sides. It’s easily my favorite day of the year. Thanksgiving has a big bird involved, as Thanksgiving often does. I hear Thanksgiving is coming up!

Traditions are amazing. Recipes get passed down and memories get made for new generations to become a part of. It’s magical. I teach my daughter my techniques and tricks. I feel like she will feel me in her own kitchen, someday.

Traditions can be amazing. This year, tradition for the sake of tradition is a problem for me. This year, I am refusing to host with the rules of ghosts. The food this year may taste similarly. It won’t FEEL the same though. The spirit of the holidays in my home, it no longer includes the ghosts of holiday’s past. Those ghosts aren’t coming this year. They are not invited and the psychic mediums who voice their spooky wails aren’t invited, either.

I’m finding that the old rules don’t apply when traditions hold us hostage to being happy. It may just be “one day a year,” but it’s a day for being thankful and grateful, too. You’re allowed to set the rules for your own life. You’re even allowed to torch tradition, if you have to.

Ideally, I’ll find the balance between torching traditions and honoring the ones I value. This year, however, I’m giving myself permission to make utterly new memories that involve zero ghosts of holiday’s past. The future spirit is too strong within me to settle for unhappy traditions.

You can decide who you celebrate your life with. You can decide for yourself. I promise you won’t make friends choosing happiness over tradition. I promise, you’ll sleep better dictating your own new rules and traditions. I can almost pinkie swear, even. That’s a big deal for a 90’s girl!